Humor: Little Known Quotes

Little Known Quotes from the Wives of Spiritual Giants
Eddie Eddings
 
“I don’t like the way Selma Haversham is always asking you for advice!”- Mrs. C. H. Spurgeon
 
“Please put down your quill and come to bed!”- Mrs. John Owen
 
“I think I’m the luckiest woman on earth…wait a minute…sorry…the most providentially blessed!”- Mrs. John Calvin
 
“Honey, will you help [...]

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Humor: Why You Shouldn’t Sell Indulgences

Why You Should Never Sell Indulgences
There is a story about Tetzel, the Dominican monk who went around sixteenth-century Germany selling indulgences and scandalizing Martin Luther. He used to sing a little ditty: “As soon as your money falls into my casket, your soul leaps free from the fires of Purgatory!”
 
A thief came up to him [...]

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Humor: Beginner’s Guide to Christianity

The Beginners Guide to Christianity: Nineteen Things You Need to Know Right Now
 
C Michael Patton
1. “Heads bowed eyes closed . . .”: During a church service, you may hear a preacher abruptly break into this unexpected dialogue with the audience: “Heads bowed eyes closed. If you have accepted Christ into your heart [more later], I [...]

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Humor: A Cowboy in New York

Cowboy Joe was telling his fellow cowboys back on the ranch about his first visit to a New York City church.
“When I got there, they had me park my old truck in the corral,” Joe began.
“You mean the parking lot,” interrupted Charlie, who had been there before.
“I walked up the trail to the door,” Joe [...]

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Humor: Last of the Bulletin Bloopers

* The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s “Hamlet”: in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

* The 1991 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11.

* Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.

* Please join us [...]

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Humor: Yet Even Still More Bulletin Bloopers

* The preacher will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, “Break Forth With Joy.”

* Today… Christian Youth Fellowship Sexuality Course, 8 p.m. Please park in the rear parking lot for this activity.

* During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when [...]

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Humor: Even More Bulletin Bloopers

* The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They can be seen in the church basement Saturday.

* Thursday night–Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.

* The Lutheran men’s group will meet at 6 p.m. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal [...]

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Humor: Bulletin Bloopers 2

Bulletin Bloopers and Blunders
 
(A compilation of actual Church Bulletin and Service bloopers)

 
* The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.

* This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children [...]

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Humor: Bulletin Bloopers (1)

Bulletin Bloopers and Blunders
 
(A compilation of actual Church Bulletin and Service bloopers)
* Our next song is “Angels We Have Heard Get High.”

* Don’t let worry kill you–let the church help.

* Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

* For those of you who have children and don’t [...]

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Humor (NEW): You Might Be an Evangelical If…

Twenty-One Ways You Might Be an Evangelical
1. If you are asked about the history of the church and you give the history of your local building campaign, you might be an Evangelical.
2. Believe that hell is going to be populated by Catholics (except for Mel Gibson), the Clintons, Mormons (with a special dispensation for Glen [...]

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